Fall 2022

11-7-2022

I am seeing a lot of people struggling with Seasonal Depression this year; with the beginning of fall. And I am not surprised.

This is going to be a very Northwestern United States centered perspective since that is where I am based, and where I see clients. However I also feel personal experience is often mirrored by the collective. As humans, our past two years collectively have been ones of intense change, unpredictability, anxiety, fear, hard choices and for many, huge life changes. This has all forced us to tap into our survival mode. Survival mode is a wonderful tool that humans can access, but it’s not meant to be something we live in all the time. From a brain science perspective, it’s called the autonomic nervous system; the brain stem; the lizard brain. It’s one of the oldest (evolutionarily speaking) parts of our brains that we have. AND it does a bunch of cool stuff for us. But living in that state on a more permanent basis, is not sustainable. It leads to burn out, it leads to mental crashes, and it often leads to impulsive decision making, that in the moment, seems rational, but then we realize later, “oh, I made that decision from a place of fear.” Which then leads to some messes that we are responsible to clean up.

Survival mode is there to keep us safe; to help us run away from threats, to keep us going when physically and mentally we want to give up. It’s our drive to stay alive. If we didn’t have this, all of us would have been dead a long time ago! Survival mode is connected to our reflexes, our ability to tap into a deep well of strength and resilience that seems beyond the capacity of our fleshy, vulnerable human bodies. However, although this is there for us to tap into when we need it, we can’t live in that place for forever. Because eventually we do face our need for sleep, recovery, integration and stability.

In the light of the fact that many people have been living in a state of “survival” and “not quite knowing” over the past few years, it makes a lot of sense why this particular fall is hitting so many people so hard. Fall is when we are naturally called to take stock of ourselves. To turn inward, to be less tantalized by the outside world, to turn towards home and comfort, to ride out the winter months. This is hard for many people any given year, because especially in the northern climates; we experience less daylight and colder, less inviting weather, and so we naturally need to spend more time indoors. We are then faced with all the things that we might have put off, or not dealt with over the summer, some of us don’t want to come home. This seasonal shift is often a bit of a shock. This year though, I think there is a collective experience of coming to terms with and realizing the shambles that your life may have fallen into over the past few years of “surviving covid”. Not to mention, a deeper collective understanding that your family, country, and home life may have been managed in a way that you don’t agree with. There is grief, loss and anger to be dealt with. Some of us have managed to put it off until now, but there is no escape at this point. If you have not already faced your shadows, if you have not stopped to consider what survival mode has done to your life, take this fall as an invitation to do just that.

So how? The first step is to get still. Survival mode is about running on autopilot. It’s about keeping going, no matter what. It is urgency. The first step is to slow down and say; wait a minute, I haven’t really caught up. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a forced slowing down. Sometimes it literally makes you so depressed you can’t get out of bed, or function at anywhere close to your “normal”. I want to recognize here that not everyone has the opportunity to take time off of work or to “slow down”, but in whatever way you can. Say NO. Spend this time no longer running; but let it be a time of reflection, let things catch up to you, and acknowledge them. Write them down. Confide in a friend. Cry, take a bath, sweat, go for a long walk in the cold, allow this time to move some things for you. You are being faced with the truth of your existence. Promise yourself that you are no longer going to run from it. Maybe it’s not going to be fixed, or solved in a day, but perhaps you can acknowledge that it is there. See your depression as a small child, or helpless animal, begging for your attention. Turn towards it. It is here to bring your attention to something important.

The second step is BE GENTLE. Whatever is catching up to you this fall, is vulnerable. It is probably intensely painful. It is something that needs to be handled carefully and thoughtfully. Focus on one thing at a time. If many things are surfacing for you, pick one and say; this time I am going to focus on this thing, and I trust that other things will come up at other points in my life. Ask for help. Talk to a friend about it. Be kind to your body and soul. Feed yourself good food, consume media that feels good, try to cut out anything that is not serving your healing at this time. Your #1 priority is to pay attention to whatever this thing is that is coming up for you, and give it kind, curious, cautious attention. Think about the things that feel good to you on a very physical level, and be rigorous about trying to make them happen whenever possible (such as eating your favorite food, spending time with people you enjoy, wearing clothes that you feel good in, reading and consuming media that leaves you with a happy buzz, spending time in places you enjoy, etc.) Trust me, there will be other times when you can read the hard news of the world and you will have more resilience!

The last step is TRUST YOUR PROCESS. I very much believe that humans want to heal. We want to feel good (caveat: if you have masochistic tendencies, feeling good might involve pain). So if you are slowing down, listening, paying attention, being present and also paying attention to your needs, you will be getting pretty clear instructions on what you need to be doing to move towards healing. Not all of these things are going to be as nice as having a bubble bath, or eating your favorite tacos. They will often involve setting boundaries, or perhaps taking some space from a challenging relationship. The biggest thing here is to practice trusting yourself; that boundaries, shifts, changes in any way are all part of the process. They are not the end result, but perhaps the beginning or middle stages of where you are headed.

You are heading in the right direction when you start to listen to yourself and believe it.